“So, here you are, too foreign for home, to foreign for here. Never enough for both.”
That prose poem is from Nigerian author Ijeoma Umebinyuo. She hit it right on the head with that one, as far as some people are concerned. Reading that poem also made me think of a feedback comment I read from a colleague of my Dad. He said this about my “Life in North America” article; “You will note that his “Life in North America” blog has tell-tale signs of someone who is already positively considering his roots! Positive.”
First of all thank you very much for your support sir. Secondly you are right. 1000%. The above poem and that comment gave me the idea for this post.
In twenty-four years of life I’ve been lucky to meet a lot of amazing people from everywhere around the world. It’s nostalgic to think about these people sometimes, because I remember special stories and anecdotes that make them special to me. As a result of this, I’ve experienced a lot of culture that continues to affect who I am today.
Let me take you back a little bit. Before I left home (Cameroon) for good in 2005 I was a fairly grounded person, culturally speaking. Sure, I was exposed to a lot of western culture (music, film, TV shows, sports etc), but because I was home, I always had a strong connection to my culture; From spending time with relative & friends, vacationing in different cities, indulging in Cameroonian food and music, to speaking pidgin (slang form of communication very popular in Cameroon, Nigeria and Ghana).
That all changed when we left Cameroon for Burkina Faso. Even though we still visited home, all that accumulated culture slowly faded away, replaced by even more western culture. At least for me. What really didn’t help me was that I made no effort remain connected to my roots. I dove head first into everything else but that. The more I picked up new things, the more I forgot what I already had. This was facilitated by the troubling mentality I used to have: I just didn’t think my culture was “cool” enough to be proud about it. The only time I remember being vocal about where I was from is when I did a presentation for history class (a very good one by the way).
Now here I am, I’ve forgotten how to properly speak pidgin. I don’t speak my dialect either. I couldn’t sing my national anthem if you asked me to. I don’t know what our national holidays are anymore. I couldn’t even describe to you what the national dish of my country is, nor what it consists of (though to my defence on this one, the national dish of Cameroon varies, depending on who you ask.) Even when I speak French, my own mother tongue, I’ve been told I don’t even have a Cameroonian accent.
Now I’m stuck in a weird kind of grey area; When I have discussions with Cameroonians, they will often be talking about things I cannot relate to at all. And then midway through the conversation, I will often be asked if I know of a certain song, artist, slang term or anything in particular that has to do with home. When I say no, I often hear one of two things, from the person who asked me the specific question, or from someone in the room who knows me: “You’re too American” or “ He wouldn’t know, you’re speaking to an American.” Huh?
But then I also feel out of place interacting with my “other” friends who are European, American or Canadian. I know what they are talking about, because I’m very well versed in their culture, which makes me way more engaged in the conversation, and naturally more confident. But deep down I don’t feel comfortable. Something doesn’t feel right, and I don’t know what is. I think maybe it has to do with natural shyness, or maybe the subject matter being discussed. I don’t know.
Either way as I’ve grown older I’ve come to appreciate any and all African cultures, especially mine. I long for a return to my cultural identity, because I think the real problem here is a lack of knowledge. When you know who you are and where you come from, then you feel more secure and everything else just flows naturally. I do love western culture, because I’ve grossly indulged in it for years now, but I have a whole other side to me that cannot be neglected. I have to revive it. If I can do that, then I can be the best of both worlds, you know?
The first step towards that was opening up and saving Cameroon’s Wikipedia page to my desktop.
Another great and honest post, Theo!
“When you know who you are and where you come from, then you feel more secure and everything else just flows naturally. I do love western culture, because I’ve grossly indulged in it for years now, but I have a whole other side to me that cannot be neglected. I have to revive it.”
We are the citizens of the world but this doesn’t mean you should forget where you are coming from. That is this other side to you. Treasure it, take care of it, be proud of it. It is you, Theo. I am happy that you realized it and are already taking care of it! Cameroon is a great and blessed country with great people and a lot to be proud of, believe me! And I am not only talking of Koki, Ndole, Kaba Ngondo, Makossa, Makassi, or Samali, Waza, Sawa or Ngouoguong, Indomitable Lions, Mont Cameroon, Mont Manengouba, Banock!
We have a lot to be proud of!
Yes indeed! We have such a rich culture, that reading your words just now got my heart pumping. As you already know, the older I become, the more I long for those roots. They are too lavish to ignore, and I think reacquainting myself with them will greatly help me in the future. I’m still not quite there yet, because I have so much to do. But I will put in the effort to get to know my country better. I can’t wait for that day.