“Ohh, he’s adorable”

Last year on my 27th birthday, I went to an audition that required me to react to a scenario that shall remain nameless. The only thing I’ll say is that my reaction was supposed to be as close to shock & awe as possible.

So off to the audition I went, my heart pounding as per usual, while mentally convincing myself the audition was mine for the taking if I could just manage focus and calm down.

When I got to the casting office, there were a whole bunch of other actors present. That always adds to the nervousness, but hey, you have to learn how to deal with it.

When my turn came, I stepped into the audition room to face my second hurdle: multiple people sitting on couches watching you perform. That’s another thing that gets me all the time, and I haven’t been able to block that aspect out of my mind entirely. At least not yet.

Anyways Mr. Director gave me directions, and I executed them to the best of my ability, which wasn’t even close to being enough. I say that because he proceeded to give me the most backhanded compliment I’ve ever received: “Ohh, he’s adorable…”

You remember when you were younger, and you did something bad, but instead of screaming at you, your parents expressed disappointment and that was worse?

That’s how I felt when I heard him tell me that. The tone, the body language, everything about that moment screamed: “meh, next!” That hurt.

There are auditions like that, where you wonder if you’re progressing at all, or if you should just quit because you’ll never be able to pull it off. The type of audition that makes you want to disappear into the ground right after.

But guess what? Yup, you guessed right: I’m not going anywhere, see you later.